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I'm as old as dirt itself, but have little to show for it. Once, I was called Ratatosk and I resided in the branches of The World-Ash tree, Yggdrasill. I inhabited it throughout the mythological time and I was bigger than life, I tell ya, big as the cosmos. The fact that I was a squirrl never amounted to much. There was no science, no crazy ideas about how I had to confrom to typical animal behavior and therefore must only wiegh a few pounds and chirp and chuckchuckchuck a lot. Back in those days I was made of stars. I would deliver insults between the divine eagle at the top of Yggdrasill and the Dragon of Death, Nidhoggr, who coiled around the roots of the tree devouring itself. Old Jormungandr.

I got a whole lot done.

Some people say that that Jormungandr and the Eagle would have gotten along if I hadn't been their messenger. Hogwash. Besides, they never really wanted to apologize or comprimise. I was just saving their reputations when I changed words like 'oh gracious lord of the skies' to 'fucking hummingbird'. Really, can you imagine Jormungandr, goddamn NIDHOGGR, the serpent that eats the souls of the dead, being faggy and talking sweet to some dumb bird? And can you imagine the great eagle from which all nobility flows being gentle with that shit-eating villian. Men at the time said I was responsible for all bad luck and turmoil, but what else would you expect men to say? They complain about everything.

About 1000 A.D. Charlemagne cut down Yggdrasil. Let me tell ya, that was fucked up. Suddenly I was a normal squirrel, there's this chopped down tree lying there, a tree like any other. Granted, it's hard to completely empty a God of its power. We all get left with a few bonuses which seperate us fallen totems from all Darwin's critters. That's why I can talk, and why I've lived so long. I was once the great Ratatoskr, you see. Now I'm just a talking squirrel, but that's okay. Chittering and burrowing are actually kinda cool.

I live in pee_paw's backyard. For some reason, he has a fragment of the original Yggdrasil growing out as a tree behind his house. I don't know how it got here, but it must have something to do with him. He has what my owl friend Kotankurukamui calls a 'wide electroencephaltic field' around him. The old heros and half-gods had these. We could never figure out why Pee Paw has it, but it is a strange new world, after all. He scrambles radio signals and shit. Besides trying to catch some of us and kill us (or worse) every now and then, his presence seems to make things easier for me and the chimerical refugees. This tree is useful, as well. Its roots and branches, if you know how to creep them, will take you everywhere in the world, passing through the ether. I think these nodes are sustained by his presence. Somehow. He seems oblivious. He's never once thought twice about seeing me talk. I'm sure I'm not the first talking animal he's dealt with and I'm probably not the last.

I and a few other fallen totemic animals live around his house. This is our base of operations. We have a big agenda. A Big Secret Agenda.

I'll answer to Ratatoskr, but I've officially changed my name to Kuchipika. Rumor has it that when the world tree fell the old dragon and the eagle ended up speaking directly to one another for the first time. I was told they were fired up about me.

I changed my name so that the Ash-eating dragon Nidhoggr can't find me on a google search.

Not that I'm worried. After all, I live on Pee Paw's property.

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